This morning I am filled to the brim with gratitude that when Sweet Pea and The Cousin reach"teen-dom", Miley Cyrus will be a washed up has-been, blahzey, a thing-of-the-past,
a complete yawn fest. Are you f#!king kidding me? The former Disney star gone cheap-strip-club-disaster will never reach MY girls' eyes or ears or anything else for that matter! They call it "twerking" I'm told from my young, hipster sources. Here's the 411:
Twerking is a dance move that involves a person shaking the hips in an up-and-down bouncing motion, causing the dancer to shake, "wobble" and "jiggle." To "twerk" means to "dance in a sexually suggestive fashion by twisting the hips.
It's probably a good thing I'm not a breeder. I think I'd be like a prison guard with my own girls.
"No, honey. You can't go out past 5:30 p.m. on a weeknight and 6:30 p.m. on a weekend. But, there's a marathon of Mork and Mindy episodes we can watch together." or "I know it's 95 degrees out, but you're wearing a turtleneck today goddamnit!" Will Smith's family's expression when Miley started her baby-cakes-turned-pussy-cat-sex-kitten-nymph at the Kids MTV's VMA Awards (KIDS! Dictionary please. PG13 anyone?) said it all.
|"Dad, do you know a good therapist?"|
Now I'm told this pic was during Gaga's performance. Hopefully, "gaga" will return to just plain old baby language when the girls reach their teens. Now, I know a thing or two about nuns, (wink) but this seemed to fall short of art, talent and fantasy.
|"I'm hoping this will tantalize you with all your favorite catechism memories."|
Parents must be shaking in their boots these days, especially parents of girls. That's why when strangers approach Sweet Pea, The Cousin and I and say, "They are so cute!" I cringe down deep where my guts reside and I follow up with "Most importantly, they're incredibly intelligent, creative and strong."
I witnessed shit like this way too often when I taught school. The girls are super cute, artsy and stylish. Give 'em a doll or a let 'em bake the cookies for the school fundraiser! But give the boys an erector set or a football helmet. This crap is still alive and well. I say, give The Cousin a building set and have her figure out how to design a structure. Give Sweet Pea the football helmet because she's gonna need it!
Speaking of the girls, I didn't see them this week, hence, the fork in the road with regard to subject matter. But man a week without them is like a week without sunshine, so here, warm your hearts...
|"Picnics are sticky and messy."|
|"Life is good, Baa Bee."|
|"I really liked it when I was one and you weren't around."|
|"Raisins are not dried grapes, Wallery, they are raisins."|
So you see, I look at these two and I think, "strong-willed, smart, determined, capable, creative."
Then I picture them at 14 and I think, "home-schooling, turtlenecks, Disney movies, chastity belts."
I get it. I'm getting old, but if 2013 is Miley Cyrus, I can't f@#king imagine what 2025 will be.