Kirstie Allie wearing full-on fairy garb; angel wings as sheer as my sexiest negligee, protruding out of her back like humps on a Stegosaurus. A costume party you might ask? No, just another one of Ms. Alley’s ways to make ‘bank’ as she promotes Poise bladder leakage control pads. Perhaps I’m being pre-mature in my sarcasm, as thank God I’m not on the leakage journey yet.
First Jenny Craig and now the ultra thins for that “unexpected wetness.” Thanking God (again), I’m still enjoying the “expected” kind, but when and if there comes a time that I’m “in need”
I can even buy the damn things on Amazon!
I can even buy the damn things on Amazon!
You know ladies, most likely, one day we’ll all walk that road with Kirstie and I’ve gotta be honest, the name Poise strikes a cord in me; a cord of dignified admiration.
poise 1 |poiz|
noun
1 graceful and elegant bearing in a person : poise and good deportment can be cultivated.
• composure and dignity of manner : at least he had a moment to think, to recover his poise.
2 archaic balance; equilibrium.
Poise and good deportment can be cultivated. Now, that’s what I’m talking about...
Poise and good deportment can be cultivated. Now, that’s what I’m talking about...
My own personal dignity of manner has been brought up for discussion over the years.
Specifically, regarding my use or "over-use" of the word “fuck” in my blogs. But rather than blow off you delightful darlings who feel this way by ignoring your opinions, I’ve decided to, in a very poised and dignified manner, seek the opinion of an educated, qualified woman to help me determine, if in fact, my language is inappropriate and offensive or, at the very least, I wanna start a dialogue about it.
As someone who is a wee-bit accustomed to hopping up on a soapbox, I, of course, find the
"F-word" quite functional, fun and fucking effective, if used at the right moment; that moment when no other word will say it quite the same.
"F-word" quite functional, fun and fucking effective, if used at the right moment; that moment when no other word will say it quite the same.
But, I’m very open to hearing the opinions of others, and though Ellen Etc and I have never met, I interviewed her on this highly important and worthy discussion topic. Thank-you, Ellen Etc, for your willingness to walk down this road with a complete stranger and madwoman! Let’s begin a conversation about the "F-word" and one girl’s journey to find an answer…
The Interview (in a slightly condensed, like Campbell’s Tomato version)
Tpg: The F-Word has gotten a bad wrap from some folks and hailed as the "say-all" from others. Do you think the division is a generational thing?
Ellen Etc: Yes, primarily. I had a discussion with the young women at work (in their early 20s) who were impatiently saying, “It’s just words. Why do people have to get so upset about it?” This is an argument I lost when I was 13 and tried to use “damn” with my parents. It was pointed out that context is significant, and that while a bathing suit is fine for the beach, it’s not so much for church or Sunday dinner at Grandma’s house, even though the minister can say “damned” in a sermon.
Advocating for the uncensored use of “fuck” is akin to saying that clothing is clothing, so what difference does it make if I wear a bikini or a “Pussy Power” t-shirt to work?
While existentially it doesn’t matter, it does indicate that the user puts their own self-expression above their employer’s interests, and even their own chances for a better job. It’s individualism at the expense of making compromises for the good of a community. People who are unwilling to compromise, or who are stuck at a developmental level of adolescent rebellion, can be found working at pizza delivery for years on end.
It’s slamming the door when one comes home after a night of drinking because one’s in high spirits, instead of closing the door quietly because the roommate is probably asleep.
Tpg: Do your views of the F-Word connect or coincide with your spiritual or religious views?
Ellen Etc: Good question. Only if etiquette is a religion!
I am actually very religious (and have been very active in the same Santa Rosa congregation for more than 30 years), but my religion focuses on the individual search for truth, and the worth and dignity of every person. My religion doesn’t take a position on “bad language,” but it does teach children (and adults) consideration for others and how to be an effectively participating member of a society.
I also have a lot of respect for and enjoyment of bodily functions. It bothers me to hear people use “fuck you” and “asshole” as epithets. I personally get a great deal of pleasure from my own asshole and don’t want to disrespect it by citing it as an insult toward others. When someone says, “fuck you,” they aren’t only insulting the other person; they’re also mindlessly using sex as a pejorative. (Of course, “fuck you” is only words, so nobody should take it personally, right?)
Tpg: Do you find yourself quickly defining a person after you hear him/her say or write
the F-Word?
the F-Word?
Ellen Etc: Yes, if it’s used casually, in that hipster way. “Look, Mommy, I’m 25 now and old enough to say ‘fuck,’ and you can’t stop me!” It makes my eyes roll. I think the people who use this language without thought get a clue when they have their own children and find it distasteful to hear their 7-year-olds using it. As parents, they find they actually can articulate the philosophy of “context” pretty well at that point.
The “read motherfucking books all damn day” graphic wouldn’t have attracted attention without the “motherfucking,” right? Who sends around a photo that says, “Read books all damn day?” So it isn’t about the sentiment of wanting to read, it’s the positioning that “I am a person who is wild and free and as proof, I use ‘motherfucking’ on my Facebook page, which also gets stodgy people to Unfriend me, so that I will have a cozy community of people who all think like I do.” (Although perhaps I’m reading more into it than I need to? Ya think?)
Tpg: Are you comforted in the fact that my questions are using the word 'F-Word' and not 'fuck?'
Ellen Etc: No, this is a personal, almost academic discussion for me. There’s nothing inherently wrong with “fuck” or “fucking,” and I don’t mind it used colloquially to describe having sex. But to me, “I’m fucking my cat” doesn’t mean that I’m fucking with my cat, it means I’m fucking my cat.
Tpg: Should the F-Word be used to describe hot sex?
Ellen Etc: Hell, it can be used to describe tepid sex. Just don’t throw it around.
“Fuck this anchovy pizza”? I don’t think so. It makes me think of a guy with a slice of pizza wrapped around his dick, and then offering it to his pals “afterwards.” Gross.
Similarly with “shit” – I read an article about a woman who went to prison, and in the first few days she was accosted in the bathroom and forced to eat her own waste. “Everyone eats their own shit eventually,” says the other prisoner.
This is what I think of when people say, “That movie was the shits.” I think about steaming piles of dog shit, or avoiding runny goose shit on the path at Spring Lake.
Tpg: What do you shout out when you hit your pinkie, with full-on force with a hammer, because you miss a huge bolt you were trying to pound into a cement wall?
Ellen Etc: I like “aaaaaaaa!” and “ack!” or even “crap.” But I don’t shout “crap!” on Facebook. If I did say, “Fuck!” I would apologize afterwards.
Well, well. Ellen’s a very hard act to follow. Damn. She’s eloquent and I’m a simpleton who grew up on grits, and when my dad worked, we splurged on Haas avocados. She’s got a few f*^!$*&*^%@# great points and all I have is a resume with 7+ years of trailer park management experience, but I can (and will) tell you this. “The word” has been highly effective for me.
It works. It's versatile and if nothing else, it's left me privately satisfied at the end of the day. Because if you think about it, it does cause for pause, raised eyebrows, an occasional small, breathless gasp, especially if it’s in an inappropriate setting. Now, I’m with Ellen. Perhaps self-constraint should be used in certain settings such as churches, classrooms, your great grandmother’s dinner table, but on my blog??!!
No way! Come on, Ellen!
It works. It's versatile and if nothing else, it's left me privately satisfied at the end of the day. Because if you think about it, it does cause for pause, raised eyebrows, an occasional small, breathless gasp, especially if it’s in an inappropriate setting. Now, I’m with Ellen. Perhaps self-constraint should be used in certain settings such as churches, classrooms, your great grandmother’s dinner table, but on my blog??!!
No way! Come on, Ellen!
Written format, whether it be essay, fiction, non-fiction, poem, or blog, as I see it, holds a unique place in a culture much like art, lyrics, dance; a creative life force that cannot and should not be beckoned with, stifled, changed, or banned.
In 2007, a federal appeals panel said the FCC could no longer slap indecency fines on broadcasters, who accidentally allowed the word fuck on the airwaves,
arguing that these days the word fuck is commonly used to express frustration rather than sexual obscenity. How did fuck and other words get so dirty anyway?
They were born that way, for the most part. Fuck has always been an offensive word, though its exact origin is unclear. It's related to words in Dutch, German, and Swedish, and the etymological meaning has to do with moving back and forth. The first known evidence of the term is found in an English and Latin poem from before 1500 that satirized the Carmelite friars of Cambridge, England. In the line "Non sunt in coeli, quia gxddbov xxkxzt pg ifmk," the author replaced each letter of the unprintable words with the succeeding letter in the alphabet: "They [the friars] are not in heaven, since they fuck wives of Ely."* (Remember that the alphabet at the time was different, and that i was also j, v was also u, and vv was w. Thus gxddbov produces fvccant, a fake Latin word taken to mean, "fuck.")
Since then, fuck has remained consistently offensive, though it has lost some of its original punch. The word only developed its nonsexual meanings in the late 19th century. (You can find that usage in Civil War court-martial records, for instance.) The word became much more widely used after World War I and now, along with shit, accounts for half the swearing that goes on in public. At this point, even our president and vice president will use it casually in its nonsexual sense. In March 2002, Bush interrupted a meeting with Condoleezza Rice and yelled,
”Fuck Saddam!” We're taking him out!" And Dick Cheney famously said, "Go fuck yourself" to Patrick Leahy on the floor of the Senate.
Now, no matter what political side you stand on, these are high-ranking officials using profanity. Inappropriate? Perhaps.
Most often, swear words grow less vulgar with time. Back in Shakespeare's day, when one's lineage mattered a lot more, the word bastard was so offensive it was often written "b-d." Contemporary readers might not recognize the power of a line like this one, spoken by Capt. MacMorris in Act IIII of Henry V: "What about my nation? Is my nation a villain, and a bastard, and a knave, and a rascal?" Meanwhile, shit was once a standard Old English word for feces. Today, it remains one of the most versatile vulgarities in our language. These days, you can be "shit-scared" (so scared you shit yourself), live in a “shit hole” or have "shit for brains" (be dumb). And, of course, the shit can also hit the fan. President Bush used another version when he told British Prime Minister Tony Blair that the United Nations needed to "get Syria to get Hezbollah to stop doing this shit."
According to Allen Walker Reed (2004), it was highly offensive to say, “trousers” or even “pants” in the 1800’s. In the 1900’s, U.S. film censorship boards were highly influenced by the church, and religious profanities were explicitly forbidden. The 1939 American classic Gone with the Wind made history when Clark Gable uttered one of cinema’s most famous lines, “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn,” resulting in a $5,000 fine.
As far as writing this delicious controversial, journey-inspiring little word, we can write it like this !@#$ or f@!%ing or ‘effin or F—You or F-Word or F’n or wtf
and the reader still silently reads “fuck.”
But thanks to Ellen Etc, I’m giving it more thought.
Just yesterday, I was feeling quite ‘grounded’ having listened to Tina Malia, meditated for 5 minutes (which is record-breaking for me) and only ingested a single cup of coffee (also record-breaking)…
Feeling quite balanced, humbly dignified and thanks to Tina, Ellen and Kirstie, quite poised.
I left for work on a fluffy cloud. I rolled the window down to feel the breeze on my face
and smell the sea. Ahhhh.
I pulled out at a corner, in front of a man in his mid-seventies, driving a Cadillac. He clearly had the right away. I smiled a sweet, humanistic smile and said, “I’m so sorry, sir.” His eyebrows crunched hard, mean-like as he laid on his horn. He then proceeded to give me the middle finger as he continued down the street.
I left for work on a fluffy cloud. I rolled the window down to feel the breeze on my face
and smell the sea. Ahhhh.
I pulled out at a corner, in front of a man in his mid-seventies, driving a Cadillac. He clearly had the right away. I smiled a sweet, humanistic smile and said, “I’m so sorry, sir.” His eyebrows crunched hard, mean-like as he laid on his horn. He then proceeded to give me the middle finger as he continued down the street.
In a split second my “Zen” flew out the damn window…
“FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!” I yelled back at him.
Clearly, the journey is on going.
~tpg
