Meet 'Lil Sis

"Valerie."
"Yes."
"I need a Kleenex."
"WHOA! You sure do! Hang on."
"That's my snot."
"I see that."
"Well, it looks like shoestring snot."


You know you're getting sick, when your cup of morning coffee and evening glass of wine both taste like crap.

Since I'm not a parent, I haven't a clue what y'all do when YOU are sick.  Me? I turn off my phone, grab a glass of room temp water and the bag of Ricola lemon throat lozenges, crawl into bed and pull the comforter over my head. I stay there all day.  But how the f@!k do parents deal with feeling like shit when they have 2 youngsters to take care of; especially two that are also sick!  

This darling, a fiery, little redhead was sicker than an entire ER room. Her welcome gift to me, 
I suppose.
Meet 'Lil Sis. 

  

I felt guilty taking this shot.
Ok, so, how best to describe my new friend? 'Lil Sis is, quite frankly, going to give me a run for my money. She's all bang. Very expressive and communicative of her needs.
She doesn't like to stay in one position for more than 90 seconds. She despises lumps in her avocado. And, you will hold her if you plan on maintaining your sanity. She's direct and head-strong.
And she's not really too sure about the nanny.

"I demand puree, not chunky."

"You gotta be kidding me. This is who my parentals chose to leave me with?"

"MOMMA!"

When things get rough; when they start going to hell in a hand basket... there's only one person to call.  She's kinda like the "special forces" unit...

The Cousin's calm, cool and fearless. She's out of diapers now and wearing "big girl" panties; insistent that she only needs help wiping for poop not the pee. She knows how to get dressed all be herself, and when you suggest that the owl goes on the front of the shirt, she firmly disagrees and wears it her way.

I bribe her. 

I tell her that if she helps me calm 'Lil Sis, she can choose a video and watch  "a little bit of it."
She accepts the assignment and works her magic so effortlessly.  

"This is how you do it, Valerie."

"My sissy should receive your paycheck today."

Voila! Now can we have project time?

"You just gotta know what she likes, Valerie."

Project time was the most peaceful f*@!king time of the entire 8-hour day. First, we used "real" artist chalks, dipping them in water, creating suns and grass and purple mountains.  Next, we made a robot from a recycled juice box and named her Dinah.

Meet Dinah.

When nap time ends, project time ends and my blood pressure rises.

So, I make good on what I promised and let The Cousin choose a video. Ok. I may be out of touch, but can someone please inform me as to what the hell is so awesome and healthy about the blockbuster hit, Frozen?
Because watching it, with babe in arms to avoid a meltdown, I am perplexed as to the point?
There are so many bad messages for little girls (and boys) in this movie, that the list would run off the page.
The whole prince thing, locking a kid with differences in her room her entire life, a charming boy falls in love and then lies about the whole thing, greed and deceit erupt with a man wanting to take over an entire kingdom... WOW! And then of course, there's that damn song that The Cousin must have sang 20 times...

LET IT GO ALREADY! 

"If you hold me 24/7, I will give you some much needed relief."

"Valerie, wake up. 'Lil Sis is crying and I want a cookie."

I remember meeting Sweet Pea at this age. She was fierce and mighty, just like 'Lil Sis.
And stubborn! 

But we made it through, didn't we, and we'll make it through this one too!  Sweet Pea's mom is now home with her, but I still see her every chance I get.
Yep, we'll make it through; The Cousin, 'Lil Sis and me... god willing and the wine box doesn't run dry.

"Miss me now?"

~tpg

“How did it get so late so soon?” ― Dr. Seuss

So, I got barreled into the other day, by an older woman in a Ginormous Volvo SUV (government plates) while I was finding a parking space. My little (new) Yaris took a major hit, while her "tank" escaped unscathed. My day had already had a handful of icky challenges, so when I leaped out of the car, even though I'm a sucker for dogs, cats and seniors, my first instinct was to pump up the volume in my voice," Didn't you hear me laying on my horn?!!"
I megaphoned.
She was a bit frazzled. My guilt set in. "Well, it was my fault dear, but I do have the flu."

You know, the final month of the year is a crazy-hectic month, isn't it? I mean one attempts to find the serenity, to walk in the light, to offer up kindness to all... However, it doesn't always work out like one plans.  After the "I had the flu and that's why I hit your brand new, small car" incident, I managed to drop a package of 4 Dole pineapple cups in aisle 4 at Save-Mart, causing a large, liquidy mess. And prior to the tropical fruit mess, I dared to go into Beverly's Fabrics (lesson to self: Stay the fuck away from Beverly's Fabrics during the month of December) where my debit card was declined. Never mind that the store was packed and there was a crowd around me. The worst part of it (our account was "locked" due to suspicious activity, I was told by the bank) was that my homophobic next door neighbor was behind me in line and witnessed the event.

December is many things to many people: Christians honor the birth of Jesus. (Who was recently discussed, along with Santa, by Megyn Kelly of Fox News and declared absolutely, without a doubt, white), Jewish celebrate Hanukkah, Goddess-worshiping Pagans light incense and dance around naked under the full moon and the rest of us, just tread water to keep up and drink in heavy volume.

I have a love/hate relationship with December.
I hate the excessiveness of it; the spending, the over-eating, the extreme indulgence, except for the booze part. I like the booze part. I have a sharp dislike for the busyness and hurriedness as well. There's no time to be with friends because we are too busy running around and buying gifts for our friends. If you work in retail, you know how ugly December can be. "Why don't you have what I'm looking for??? I drove all this way in horrific traffic!!!" Sometimes, I feel as if December brings an explosion of giving to the sick, the homeless, the less fortunate, the abused animals, as if all of these unfortunates do not exist the other 11 months of the year.
There's some pretending going on too. You know my homophobic neighbor I spoke of earlier?
Well, she sent us a holiday card, which she signed by all her family members, even the ones that don't look at us when we wave.  This brings a conflicting response in my pea-brain head: How lovely they remembered us with this Hallmark gesture & how shitty it is that they hate lesbians.

Children are a huge part of this month, and that's sweet as fudge, yet I can't help but recall my observations when I was a teacher; specifically, the kids that "had a lot" vs. the kids that "had very little".  It really is amplified by this thing called Christmas.  When holiday vacation ends, and students return to school in January, there's such a competitive vibe in the air.  There's the kids wearing their $150.00 Michael Jordan basketball shoes and those that still have on their shoes from The Goodwill. 

There's the Banana Republic faux fur coats vs. the Walmart fleece zip-ups. There's the students that went to Europe to visit grandma and the ones that got to see Santa at the mall. It's a glaring, blaring oddity that cannot be denied. And then, of course, there's the poor families who open Visa charge accounts, with 24% interest rates, in order to buy their kids what they want, so that they don't get made fun of or feel less than. December becomes this month of incredible debt and living beyond one's means.  

There are two things I especially love about December.

THING # 1:
I love this face. It's a package of joy and innocence and a clear reminder of all that is truly important. Look at her light up at the opportunity to make her parents and her baby sister a present.

"Who knew Q-tips were better than paint brushes!"

"A flower-shaped lollipop is all I need."

"Why is my shadow so tall, Valerie?"

I love this face too:

"Baa Bee, I can shoot hoops!"

"I don't wanna eat my lunch. I wanna play!"

Aren't children the extraordinary magic of any month? 

True, unless of course, you're an over-worked elementary school teacher, in a classroom of 33 and no aide. (Shout out to my heroines in the public school system!)

THING # 2:

The second thing I love about December are the holiday letters.  So, I receive anywhere from 

2-7 each year. Most are lovely, though a few go on and on, in great detail. For example, the 100 awards their kid  received, or how many maps they had to use on their vacation, or what each child received for his or her birthday. Some are a bit "wordy" you might say, but all are sent with well-intentions, I suppose, as is the one I send every other year or so.

There are 2 that I receive yearly that stand out.  One is from an acquaintance of long ago and the other one doesn't actually come to me, but to my mom-in-law, who kindly shares it with me each year.

The following two are unedited.  (I swear to God!)

Here's to the joy and festiveness of the season!

~tpg

"Do you like frog glasses, Valerie?"  "Yep, I do."

Christmas 2013

Dear Valerie,

Not one of our better years.  Bill (name change)  is worse and now has gallstones.  Can't be operated on as his intestines are too inflamed.  

My typewriter had the nerve to die. It's hard to find a used one.

They have been working on the new sewer in front of my house for nearly 3 months. The city's equipment keeps breaking.

I managed a couple of day trips and had a good time.

I hope you are doing well.

Merry Christmas.

Love,

Betty (name change)

Dear Mary, (name change)

It's been a banner year!

We began by getting a new minivan complete with a navigation system. 

It’s been a lifesaver! We have the routes to all the nearest hospitals and pharmacies pre-programmed. 

With the time we’ve saved from printing out directions, I’m now able to spend some time knitting. I’m just starting out but I made little Roxy a new sock to chew on. (This has really helped her stop chewing the couch.)

John is doing well. He landed a third job hauling trash, which helps cover all our psychiatric co-pays.

We are so proud of Brian (name change). During his last incarceration, he received the prison’s coveted Inmate of the Month award for his good behavior. And John and I were so impressed by the license plate he made for us for Christmas.

Annie (name change) is just terrific, too. Her soccer coach has noticed that she’s kicking harder than ever (though it’s still at the other players). 

And the other night, she actually sat down and did her homework.

It’s been a bittersweet year, as Felix, our cat, is no longer with us. One of the kids left the door open, and he never came back. John says he’s never seen a cat run so fast.

Well, that’s all the news we have to report for now. 

Best wishes for a happy, healthy, and hospitalization-free holiday season.

The Smith Family (name change)