Showing posts with label social commentary. Show all posts
Showing posts with label social commentary. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Findings


 Trailer Park Girl writes of life at a trailer park, and life way beyond the park.  Her blogs are filled with soap box rantings, politics, observations of people and situations, soul-searching, senseless musing and crap like that.   
She pushes you to look inside yourself, and almost always, make you laugh out loud.
~ Anonymous (review)

So I'm sitting in my hair salon, where Lonnie is working some damn good magic on my hair.  As I sit with the dye on my head, ( something I swore I'd never do when the gray began its formation of a small, persistent army) I search for a magazine that grabs me.  I have absolutely zero interest in looking at Vogue or Elle with all the anorexic ladies the world see as beautiful. I pick up Harper's July 2012 edition and thumb through to the section called "Findings."
I love Findings.  It's like a "quickie" when you don't have time for hours of sex;
breakneck, to the point and satisfying.
Findings offers up a bunch of facts and recent scientific discoveries from all the major global
laboratories, universities, etc.  It's one or two gratifying, factual sentences without the fluff...
Recent discoveries, research-based suggestions for your health, advancements with this global study or that and yada yada yada...
My favorite finding, which caught my eye and provided me with one of those
"things that make you go hmmm" moments was this:
"Vanilla yogurt gives mice glossier coats and bigger testicles."
All you gentlemen reading this should make note, then get your asses down to Food Max and stock up.
Me after just 4 days of eating vanilla yogurt
Vanilla Greek Yogurt has been my favorite foreva and as you can tell, it's working.
I'm thinkin that because of my gender, somehow it directed itself to a different body part, yet in the general vicinity. 




Note to self: When you shut a door on "blood family" aka ‘kin’ some 44 years ago, they shut their side of the door as well.

I suppose the wisdom lies with the ability to truly know doors.
Intuition has something to do with it.  Understanding too.
But most important, in this writer’s opinion,  is effort.  
I made no effort to know my kin. 
Let’s take a walk down Self-Examination Lane for a moment.
For many years, I  blamed everyone else for slamming their doors on me.
How dare they?
I wrote 'em off like a boring church sermon and knew they had their reasons;
She's a “left-wing radical, hippie-lovin, trailer trashin, forget the 9-5, care-free, artist freak, dyke” for starters.  SLAM!
But then last weekend, I saw them again, at my aunt's funeral. I went to see if sealed doors could actually be pried open.  I went to see if there were any findings worth discovering.
I went to say, "Do we have anything in common after so many years?"

My childhood memories are filled with their faces, their laughter, our kid-pranks.  I loved Sunday afternoons; running with my cousins through the clothes and sheets that our grandmother had hanging on the line.  I loved playing hide-n-seek in the "apartment house" next door.  I loved the peach cobbler made from scratch.  I remember sneaking into grandma's room with my cousin Desi, carefully opening the dresser drawer and looking at her dainty doilies and scarves. I can still smell grandma's scent.
Then one Sunday, I think I was 9 or 10, my father informed us that we were no longer going to grandma's.  SLAM!
A very important, loving and established door shut. And that door has pretty much remained shut for 4 decades; shut through graduations, marriages, births, celebrations and deaths.

I went out of hunger. I went on a thread of hope and possibility.  I tried to make an effort, taking with me the understanding that life is what it is and the past is the past, and really all we have is this single moment.
Then of course, there's the intuition. And I held steadfast to that too.  Intuitively, I've learned that when you are sincere and come from a true heart place, people will meet you halfway.
Doors quite possibly can be opened.

Now,  I'm not talking about Facebook friends.
As social networking sites, like Facebook, Twitter, Myspace, Linkekum become more integrated in our modern culture, some people think that the benefits outweigh any downsides, while others believe the dangers are more pressing and hazardous than any upsides.
Personally, I dig it. All of it!  I dig the exposure, the information, both factual and fiction, comical and stone-cold serious.  And I dig the doors which, for me, especially via Facebook, have been both slammed in my face, but more so, opened wide as a fat baby's mouth.
The "friend request" component is an interesting thing, isn't it?
Awhile back, I received a plethora of these requests from the long lost people in my life; those that I hated in high school and college, so why the hell would I want to "friend" them 40 years later?  Anyway, it's a door.
But rather than taking a handle or turning a knob, one sits in front of a keyboard and decides,
with the click of a button, to confirm or deny a request.   I had my old boyfriend, his best friend and his wife all "friend request" me.  Oh! They were thrilled that I confirmed. They sent long private messages of excitement at the prospect of "connecting" again and possibly seeing
each other.
Then they read my Facebook wall and personal profile. UH  OH! Tisk. Tisk.
Seems they're still lovin the Lord at The Southern Baptist Church on Las Posas Road, the very one I attended in my teens.  And guess what? They don't much take a liking to queer folk.  SLAM!

But, I've had so many cool doors open as well;
former students, old friends, people who I will probably never sit with or share a glass of wine, yet, we share news, political articles, jokes, photos, and as maple syrupy as this may sound, messages of inspiration and hope. But Cliff Stoll, a Berkeley astronomer, who has been using the internet since 1975 has a different thought. Cliff once said, "Spending an evening on the World Wide Web is much like sitting down to a dinner of Cheetos.  Two hours later your fingers are yellow and you're no longer hungry, but you haven't been nourished."
One thing that cannot be disputed.  The doors that are opened, via the internet, are limitless. 

Intuition, understanding and effort.
Intuition in which our senses clearly speak,"Offer a buck to a homeless person, (small door) but don't invite them to move in with you." (big lesson)
Understanding that the whole door opening and door closing thing cannot be "hinged" with expectations.
And finally, effort.  You cannot plough a field by turning it over in your mind.
It takes effort.  There's a line from a song by The Indigo Girls that says, "...you gotta tend the earth if you want a rose."


May doors open for y'all today.
~tpg


















Friday, April 27, 2012

Enjoying the Little (and Big) Things & Blah, Blah, Blah


Even trailer park girls get the blues.  Mine hit me from behind early this week;
Originating from a variety of sources and resulting in the ever-hated, most-dreaded, writers’ block. 
I did what any normal whack job would do.  I posted a plea to my Facebook friends, asking for blog topics in time of such crisis, hoping to get the rev back in my engine.  I got 2 responses.  Which is depressing if you think about the number of peeps on my precious friends list..


“Earth day...overpopulation...reflection on global warming, lack of employment opportunities and as Angela says so pointedly, "blah, blah, blah...."

“Living life to the fullest with the one you love. Enjoying the millions of little things that make it clear why we love each other.”
Aww to both you cutie-pies and thank-you!
Now, don’t get me wrong. I am ever so grateful to Cynthia and Carolyn for their responses.
Hell, I’m just happy as a tick on a hound that they even read my plea, but I needed a bigger hunk of meat this morning. Something juicy.  Something I could sink my bicuspids into and chew on for a while.  Then, I turned on the mainstream news…

Vice President Joe Biden spoke at length in defense of President Obama’s foreign policy on Thursday. Referring to a famous quote by Theodore Roosevelt,
“Speak softly, but carry a big stick”
Biden said, “I promise you, the president has a big stick.”

Hey, now! TMI Joe. TMI.  My only question, burning outta control like a fire flare-up on a bunch of pre-fabs is, “How the hell do you know that, Joe?”

Yesterday, Dorothy, the check-out girl at Trader’s Joe’s, responding to my debit card requiring a second slide through because it didn’t work the first time, and my pressing concern that my hard earned cash might be deducted twice,
Spouted, “It has to connect to work.”

“Ain’t that the truth, Dorothy!!” I blurted out as the entire 5:00 pm checkout line burst into laughter.  Oooh, you could just see their imaginations swirling around the display of stacked four-to-a-box artichokes and winding through shelf after shelf of 85% Cacao dark chocolate bars.
It’s true that it does have to connect to work, but does it really have to be humongous to be satisfying and effective?

Seems the gentlemen think so or at least they’ve been conditioned to think so; that bigger is better and bigger is more powerful. And some powerful men think they can control women.  Now I’m not professing to know the length and circumference of Joseph Aloisius Ratzinger’s stick, but Pope Benedict XVI and his cronies are sure flexing "theirs" with the American nuns.  Seems these boys just had to form a committee and decide that American nuns “promote radical feminist themes incompatible with the Catholic faith."  They concluded that the sisters had contradicted church teaching on homosexuality and on male-only priesthood in public statements that "disagree with or challenge the bishops, who are the church's authentic teachers of faith and morals." 
YOWZA! Hail to the mighty Bishops, the authentic teachers and hail to their big sticks!  Seems their quiet, sneaky little investigation has been going on for 3 fucking years and what have they come up with?
The sisters aren’t submissively toeing the line to their standards and liking.

While the sisters have been quiet to respond, a former nun has a big stick of her own.
Mary Johnson served for 20 years in Mother Teresa’s Missionaries of Charity. She calls the Vatican’s harsh new rules for American sisters “disrespectful” and an “insult.”
 “The main complaint is that sisters are thinking for themselves. No one says it in those words, but that’s the bottom line:
You’re thinking for yourself and we don’t like that.”

Fitting, that exactly two years ago today, in 2010, a memo, written by Steven Mulvain, a Foreign Office civil servant was passed around.  One of Steve’s suggestions was that Pope Benedict endorse his own brand of condemns for his “stick” and the sticks of all men everywhere…
It's not a bad idea actually, although that might not only go against "church doctrine" but it might actually help curb the world's over-population crisis. Hmmm...

In case you missed the nutty nun news…

Let’s face it.  Men have been carrying big sticks since the beginning of time.

And of late, the news is still on fire with stories that back this theory regarding boys and their rods…
Ashley Judd’s “puffy, not pleasing enough to men, kind of face”
“Ashley Judd’s Puffy Face Explained” was a breaking headline in the tabloids on the recent rewind. Respectable news outlets such as HuffPo and MSNBC even joined in to debate if Botox was to blame for her "chubby" face.
The news sparked a viral frenzy speculating how much “work she got done” along with warnings that she “better watch out” because her husband is likely “looking for his second wife.” 
Some reporters called her a “pig” and a “cow”, labeling her as fat because of the fact that she was now a size 6/8. (How many of us girls know or have known a dude like that?)
The most troubling fact of all is that mostly women initially broadcast the conversation about Ashley’s face.  But as Ashley writes in her now infamous rebuttal, “That women are joining in the ongoing disassembling of my appearance is salient. Patriarchy is not men. Patriarchy is a system in which both women and men participate.”
How about Julia Louis Dreyfus once being told that her “curly hair wasn’t fuckable?”  
It’s an election year and I think women are being placed in the media spotlight to benefit the two gentlemen running for the highest office in the land. (The one man who has a big stick and the other one who has a big dog in a crate on top of his car.)



Trailer Park Manager; It’s Not a Man’s Job

Three men applied for the management position at the park when I put forth my application.
Tommy in space 6, Eliseo from space 27 and Rafael in 10.
All three collectively agreed, ‘It’s a man’s job.’
Tommy had plenty of “plumin experince” and was “always home” because he was “waitin to get a settlement of boo coo bucks” from the company that had fired him.
Eliseo was bilingual, which was a plus, but had been just caught and cited for having a rabbit breeding business behind his unit days prior to him submitting his application for the manager position.
And Rafael…Oh, Rafael.
Well, for starters, he usually had tequila on his breath early, as he headed out to work. His position?
Long-term substitute second grade teacher in a neighboring community. 
I got the job; clearly a known fact.  Maybe I’m the one with a big stick.  Or maybe guys are just knuckleheads who just think with "theirs."  Obama brought the term back recently when referring to the Secret Service team caught with their pants down. 
“A couple of knuckleheads shouldn’t detract from what they do. What these guys were thinking, I don’t know. That’s why they’re not there anymore,” Obama said.

Years ago, a group of gal pals and I were returning home from the Arco Arena in Sacramento after a night of women’s basketball.  As usual, I fell asleep on the ride back.  My partner, unannounced to a snoozing me, kept a straight face and proceeded to tell the carload that I was unfortunately born with a single testicle. No joke.
When I woke up, a bunch of sad, sympathetic and perplexed faces were all staring at me.    
She’s a keeper, my partner. 

I’ll let you decide the fiction and the non-fiction of today’s blog.
Blah, blah, blah and live life to the fullest with the one you love ('fo sure!) and God save the American nuns and all that jazz.
~tpg

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Taking It To Austin

     I’ve always been frightened by “the south.”  Even when I was a little girl, and we drove for hours on some hellacious back road from Southern California to Oklahoma;
my dad smoking cigarette after cigarette and driving like a bat out of a flame and my mom, turning around every 2 minutes to tell my brother and I “to knock it off” and enjoy the scenery or she’d “draw a line on the seat between us and then it would be all over for the one who crossed it.”  Well, the scenery was miles and miles of f@*#ing cows and rundown barns and “fillin stations” where the guy would mosey on out in his bibbed coveralls and pump your gas for you at a snail’s pace, all the while speaking in some kind of language that me and my bro were weirded out by.  
     We had relatives in both Texas and Oklahoma and all were bigger than life in ever way you could imagine.  Hell, one glass of ice tea took me 3 days to finish.  I have never seen people eat so much.  Pie was the food of choice and the “N” word was thrown around as casually as a football.  But that was then and this is now and I’m headed back to The Lone Star State manana; to the bright lights and big city of Austin where I have never been.  From what I’ve read about Austin, my daddy wouldn’t have tread there if it were the last place left standing on the planet. 

Destination: The Austin Film Festival
     
     The Driskill Hotel seems to be the center spot, the hub,  for all the action that will take place in the upcoming week at The Austin Film Festival.  It’s swanky and full of ritzy, pretty people with lots of “moola” to burn, and to be quite honest; I’m scared to the bone. 
That kind of ostentatious glamour and luxury, equivalent to the night on the red carpet, is what girls from trailer parks watch from their sofas with a bag of Dollar Tree popcorn and a Bud-Light.  Of course,  I’m nervous as hell!  But gals from a park can also fake it until they make it and I’ve packed cool (worn) cowgirl boots, ($7.50), a cocktail dress from Banana Republic ($2.00), black footless tights (a buck) and a suitcase full of other yard sale scores.  The girl’s got game and she better because the reason she’s heading to
a state that has towns called Looneyville and Buffalo Mop is to hobnob with some big boys and girls in the film industry, attend workshops and panels and hopefully pitch her screenplay, 27 Angels, to a couple people who might be willing to give her the time of day.
     I’ve spent the last two years co-writing a screenplay that’s fairly good and I’m packing my bags tonight and taking it on the road.  Actually Austin itself, from what I’ve read, sounds anything but ostentatious and it certainly doesn’t sound like I’ll need a gun. And the AFF sounds like it’s hip, yet casual and jam-packed with big names that are approachable. 
     And though I am very proud of my trailer roots, I didn’t list trailer park manager on my business card.  But 27 Angels might tell it all and perhaps it should.  My dark comedy takes place in a park and opens a window on a world that most people would simply drive on by… a world of misfits; the disenfranchised, the low-income welfare recipients who pay for their groceries with food stamps and wait in line for slabs of free butter and cheese. 
There’s a story or two there. 
Perhaps we look away because we feel they arrived at this place in life due to their own doing.  I recall this saying my grandmother used frequently, “They made their bed, now they have to lay in it.” I think that mentality has falsely guided an entire generation of Americans; that and this one which goes hand-in-hand, “First of all, I don’t see America having problems.” a direct quote of George W. Bush when being interviewed by Bob Costas at the 2008 Olympics in Beijing. 
     According to the Reuters report, nearly 40 million Americans receive food stamps; that’s 1 out of 8.  This has increased by 260,000 since the economic recession of 2008.  Hmm…an increase in people who can’t buy food and at the same time, an increase of profits for CEOs and companies like Chevron.  Hey, did you know that health insurance companies found increased profits of 56 percent in 2009?  No wonder Republicans don’t want Universal Health Care.  Their sugar daddies in the health insurance ‘bank’ wouldn’t be able to buy them as many treats.  I believe we look away, not because we necessarily think like my grandmother or like George, but because if we look too long, then, in turn, we must take a hard look at our own lives and ourselves.
     I hope I’ve got what it takes to not only wear my yard sale rags with confidence, but hold my head high and talk about my project, 27 Angels, like I talk about anything that is near and dear to my heart.  It will take guts, but not balls.


I agree wholeheartedly.  I’ve got mine packed, Betty, and I'll be taking it to Austin.
And unlike Vegas, what happens in Austin won’t stay in Austin.  I’ll be reporting the good, the bad, the ugly, to you all.   
Believe me, if Austin feels the least bit chilled or unwelcoming, I can always hitch a ride to
Crume Gin, Moonshine Hill, or Chocolate Bayou; all towns somewhere deep in the heart of Texas.

See y’all in Austin!
~tpg

Friday, September 30, 2011

Ying Yang River…Part Two Country Roads

I met up with a friend from high school that I hadn’t seen in 36 years!
Now that’s ancient, eh?  It amazed both of us how comfortable we felt from the minute we sat down  together at the corner table in the local Peet’s. 
I found her with the trusty help of Google and then some amateur detective work.  Our conversations flowed back and forth like the ebb and flow of the ocean;
both of us taking turns sharing our trials and tribulations of days gone by since those hellish times of high school.
It was a tad intimidating when, in sharing about our various professions over the years, she humbly listed a litany of jobs that included “City Planner” “ Executive Director of The Girl Scouts of America” and as for her husband,
she just said, “He’s in oil.”
I found an opening and threw in my 7 years as a trailer park manager and she about choked on her double cappuccino.  Then she bubbled with curiosity and I’m sure she was thinking, “Ok, she’s got a B.A and an M.A. and she chose to manage a trailer park; probably aspires to pass Go, collect her 200.00 dollars and eventually get let into the pearly writer’s gates of Heaven one day.” 
Nice goals.  Successful life.

The park life isn’t a bad life.  It wasn’t then and it isn’t now and I’d probably do it all over again for a juicy stipend and a year’s supply of Hendrick’s Gin. 



This picture totally brings back memories; a captured flashback of well lived years.
You know there’s something about drinking a beer and wearing slippers outside that makes a girl appreciate the finer things on God’s green earth.



Madness takes its toll.  Please have exact change.  
~Author Unknown

I accepted the invitation for tea at Julie’s a few days after our first meeting in my unit.  You know curiosity has been my demise on a fairly regular basis my entire damn life.
When I walked into her trailer; a 1970’s box with wood paneling and burnt orange shag carpet, it felt like a cross between Twilight Zone and Little House On The Prairie.
She appeared to have put on her “Sunday bests” for my visit and giddy, oh was she giddy, over the fact that I had come for tea.
She scrubbed the Formica as she put water in the kettle.
“ Oh! Thank you for visiting…I'm so happy…do you like tea… if you don’t like tea, I can make you something, but I don’t have something else, but I have a ying yang river of tea…Oh! Thank you for coming…let’s have tea and talk… do you like sugar cuz I have sugar…let’s see…where did I put that…”

I noticed a stack about 10 inches thick of albums and I commented on her good taste in music.  Sometimes I’m clueless to the repercussions of saying things like, “Oh, wow…Carole King, John Denver, Simon and Garfunkel, Nancy Sinatra…we have a lot in common.”
F!@*king clueless.  “A lot in common” to a girl like Julie means we're instant BFF’s until Hell freezes over.  Next, she’ll probably get out a sewing needle and want to prick our index fingers so we can be blood sisters.

“Oh! What do you want to listen to?…I feel the earth move under my feet.  I feel the sky tumbling down…I feel my heart start trembling whenever you're around...I love Carole King…I know all the words. I bet you do too…Do you want to hear Carole King or I have The Beatles too…I like The Beatles but my sister….she was always so mean to me …and she likes The Beatles but I like John Denver…”

The next thing I knew we were singing, in unison, at the top of our lungs….
”Almost heaven, West Virginia, Blue Ridge Mountains, Shenandoah River…Life is old there, older than the trees, younger than the mountains blowing like a breeze… Country Roads, take me home…”

When you know every damn song, on every damn 33 album someone still owns in 2011, then you actually do have something in common with that person. 
I spent the next hour sipping stale Lipton and belting out every song of my teenage past; wondering if this woman across from me, who was singing recklessly and sipping tea like a Slurpee, wasn’t just a wee bit saner than me.

Julie and my friendship grew as friendships often do…but I wasn’t exactly prepared for the rate of speed.

The phone calls from her increased from 1-2 a day, to about 10 a day in less than a month.
Once I opened my front door to find a gift of tea bags wrapped in tissue paper and a bow, with a note on Strawberry Shortcake stationery that looked like a 10 year old wrote it…

Dear Valerie,

I know how much you like tea and I have extra so I want to give it to you.
Have a nice day.

Love,
Julie

One day I was making my rounds and saw her peeking out her blinds.  Seeing me, she swung open her front door and came running out into the street before I could hide behind a nearby double-wide…
“Hi! Whatcha doing?”


“Oh, just doing some things around the park.  I need to get back and wash my car while it’s sunny.”  I kept on moving, as I wished her a great day.

By the time I finished my rounds, she was down at my trailer with a hose, bucket, soap, a large sponge and 2 towels.

“I love washing cars!  When Grandma Cooley’s car needed washing she’d call me and I’d come running faster than the ying yang river…I’d be at her house in no time and I’d wash her car and I’d dry it and she’d be so happy she’d tell me it looked great except usually I forgot to dry all of the hood and she’d show me and then I’d do it…no problem…”


Sometimes I’d pick up when she phoned.  Sometimes I’d let the machine get it.

What seemed to be a harmless initial gesture of making copies for her, was taking a sharp veer south.
I actually was finding myself feeling like the lead character in some horror film where the heroine slips deeper and deeper into a weird entrapment abyss that demands a super hero to rescue her sorry ass.

Most of you would have changed your number by now or let her down gently, but not me, friends. 
No.  Me, the Mother Teresa of the trailer park, in a spontaneous moment of insanity, offers to take her to Costco.

People unravel privately it’s true, but some folks unravel in public.

When I picked Julie up, she was again dressed for a church function. 
She showed me her list, her pocketbook and her keys to her unit. 
Why the keys, you ask? 
How the hell should I know!   Why the offer to go to Costco is a more intelligent question!

When inside Costco, it became quickly evident that she didn’t get out much.
She frantically pushed the cart ahead of me, which put me into a full-on sprint to catch up with her.  She filled her cart with these items and these items only: a new broom, a new mop, a giant-size bottle of Clorox, Ajax, Comet, economy-size bottle of hand sanitizer, laundry soap, and Lysol wipes.
I thought we’d head to the produce and cheese sections, two of my favorites,
but she informed me she was done, ready to go, and made a beeline
for the check out stand.

In line, the unraveling began.  She frantically fumbled through her purse searching for her wallet and I was literally sweating directly above my upper lip. 
In her ‘special’ way, Julie was drawing quite the audience, and I was mentally guestimating the cost of her f!@*ing  Martha Stewart cart…

“It’s here somewhere…and I have coupons too…lots of coupons that I cut out…don’t worry...it’s here…I put it inside the envelope so I wouldn’t lose it…you shouldn’t lose things and I don’t…”

When she finally found the envelope, I breathed a monstrous sigh of relief, as I’m sure the newly formed line did also. 
Julie was sweating.  I was sweating.  We drove back to the park in complete silence.

When I pulled up to her unit, I helped her unload.  My compassion meter was off the charts as I almost tripped over her heavy heart and embarrassment.  A simple “Are you okay?” would have been sufficient, but instead I say,

“Hey…do you like pancakes?”

She perked up.  “I love pancakes and lots of maple syrup …or strawberry…I like strawberry syrup too…” she exclaimed like a second grader.  She was a glow.

“I’ll pick you up in the morning around 9:00 and we can head over to IHOP!” I said.

You know what people? 
I hate IHOP!

…to be continued
~tpg
John Denver  Country Roads

Friday, September 23, 2011

Ying Yang River... Part One

Last Chance Mercantile is this cool second-hand, perhaps fourth-hand store next to the dump in Marina, CA.  I am a thrift store whore from way back and consider it quite nifty to be thrifty.  
Besides, you can really do a make-over on a mobile with the treasures you find, especially on the free paint aisle or the outdoor open-air area which includes rock/ lumber/furniture/crap.
Anyway, I found myself there yesterday, buying scraps of high-quality Astro Turf remnants from some athletic field or miniature golf course I suppose. Hey, do putt putt golf courses still exist in 2011?             I was a little golfer girl queen when I was a kid; kicked my bro’s ass at our town’s course which also included the popular skating rink (where I learned my cool backwards moves), the bowling alley and a run down motel. (Where I’ve never stayed, btw) So, I dig synthetic grass.  Sweeping the stuff is quite therapeutic and takes me back to 29B, which then unleashes all these silly and dangerous thoughts that were born in that pre-fab province that will always be home. 
 
So, let’s allow me to take you there!  It’s either that or go ballistic about capital punishment and you probably don’t want me to go there.
This little ditty is part one of three; I suppose a trilogy of the most personal kind…

Might we not say to the confused voices that sometimes arise from the depths of our being:
“Ladies, be so kind as to speak only four at a time?” 
~Madame Swetchine


In a little less than 2 months, I became so involved with the woman in space 17 at the trailer park that my drinking increased by 50 percent.
It took a significant length of time for me to figure out, what most of you would have figured out in a half second; that I was about to get in way over my pretty little head.

Perhaps I should have paid closer attention on that day she called my home for the first time in the 7 years I resided at and managed the park.  When she phoned that day, she was seeking help in the advertising of her new cleaning service.  

(To be read as fast as you can without taking a breath)

“Hello, this is Julie in space 17.” she began at a rapid, manic voice that hit me like a verbal locomotive.   “Sorry to bother you... so sorry to bother you... but I am going to clean for everyone... I know these are hard times so, I wouldn’t charge anything, hardly anything... Maybe oh, I don’t know... maybe two dollars an hour... I just really want to do it because I really want to help people... I have Comet... lots of Comet and I have paper towels and I have all the cleaning supplies so I just want to know about these flyers and where I could put them and maybe you need some cleaning done and I know you are the manager and everything so you probably already have someone… someone who cleans your house but maybe I could help someone I really want to help someone.”

Me too, Julie, pathetic as it is.
That’s exactly how our friendship began; the first interaction I had ever had with a woman who evidently had lived in the trailer park for two decades, whose mother mailed her rent each month from out of the area; a woman who, in that moment, I couldn’t tell you what she even looked like.  

When she paused to inhale, I heard myself saying, “Two dollars an hour would be selling yourself short.” 
 
You see, compadres, I wear this f*@#ing bleeding heart liberal hat with a fat stamp on my forehead that says, “ I can help you, fix it, fix you, give you my heart, soul, cash and favorite pair of Doc Martens. Let me save the world and you too.  Oh, and guaranteed, I’ll put myself last.” 

When I finally got a word in “edge-wise” somehow I had invited her down to look over her flier, offered to make 34 copies and place them in each resident’s mailbox.  I even offered complimentary, standard-size envelopes!
She arrived at my door just minutes later.

She had a nervous way about her; couldn’t stop fidgeting, combing her pixie hair, which she repeatedly tucked then untucked behind her ears.   She wore boots from ‘the day’; perfectly shined and a lavender polyester sweatsuit with an appliqué of two kittens and a ball of yarn.  Her attire and style threw me as to her age, but I guessed 48, which later I found I was only off  by 3 years.
I noticed she rocked back and forth and spoke in pitches, ranging from high screeches to descending, low mumbles and the conversation took more roads than are in the entire state of California.                  Within 3 minutes, I had learned about her 7th grade teacher, her love for ponies except Brut; the one who bucked her off when she was 10, her Grandma Cooley, who had hair as long as the Ying Yang River, and of course, her new cleaning business.
All this before I had a chance to offer her a seat in our 12’x12’ living room; which felt like 6’x6’ box 
at that point.
I made us both a cup of tea.
  
She seemed most oddly honored and excitedly uncomfortable, as if she were in a palace and I, the queen.
I took her ad, hand-written on a torn piece of lined binder paper, to our back office where I began making the copies. Her presence seemed to follow me down the hallway.
When I returned with her copies,
“Oh, you are so nice! You are such a nice friend! I am so sorry there is a rip in the paper... So sorry... I didn’t mean to rip it… Maybe I was in a hurry while I was writing… Grandma Cooley used to always say, “Slow down… Take your time… haste makes waste.” And she was right…haste does make waste… She was always right and then she died… She died and left me and she died and I was the only person in the house and I cried “Wake up! Grandma!”” Wake up!”  but she didn’t wake up and I didn’t know what to do and I was all alone and I called 911…that’s when the ambulance came... and I cried and cried even though she was with Jesus.” 
She paused to rest from the word marathon she just ran.

In some weird, dysfunctional way, I thought this was all “good for me.”
Maybe this person sitting in my living room, with the perfectly combed hair and the spit-shined boots, had entered my life for a reason.  

Girls like me look for reasons in life; underlying meanings sent via people, places or experiences.       Those that teach lessons, help us blossom, grow, become dynamic park managers or American saints. 
Girls like me probably just need more therapy.

Before she left, a departure nothing short of over-the-top, she smothered me with gratitude and before I could see it coming, she wrapped herself around me on my front porch and with a hug that smelled of moldy camping gear, she sang (Yes, sang, as in musical), “Good-bye my new friend…thank you my friend, the manager!”
There was pep in her step as she headed down the street to her trailer.
I closed the door, still somewhat clueless as to what was to come. 
The smell of mold on my collar remained.
It was early, but I tossed the English Breakfast and poured myself a stiff one.

To be continued…
~tpg

Saturday, September 17, 2011

“What the Fresh Hell Can This Be?



I'm happy to just blog in a sea of random abandonment this morning; hoping to just float around with ease and keep my head above water. 
You see, when you lose a guy who made you laugh as often as he pissed you off, it’s rough.    A guy who, with his sharp tongue and undeniable wit, left you wondering if he wasn't in fact the male reincarnate of Dorothy Parker.  
Sometimes only a bumper sticker on a truck can truly sum up the man...
Wife And Dog Lost
Reward For Dog

I’m hoping to simply blog with abandon and maybe someone in charge, out there in blog cyber galaxy, will raise an eyebrow and place me at the Top Ten on the Blog Blacklist!  The term “blacklist” got me thinking of all our compound words in the English language that include ‘black’ and of course, the negative conations that go along with many of them:
Blackwater
n. - Any of several human or animal diseases characterized by dark urine resulting from rapid breakdown of red blood cells
Blackmail
n. - Extortion of money by threats to divulge discrediting information
Blackball
n. - The act of excluding someone by a negative vote or veto
Blackout
n. - Partial or total loss of memory (Certainly nothing positive, especially if alcohol is involved)
Blacklist
n. - A list of people who are out of favor

I’m thinking of switching it up, but keeping the current meaning: whiteout, whitelist, whiteball, whitemail, whitewater. (Oh, damn, already been used in Arkansas)

There’s a annual list of Hollywood’s most liked, unproduced screenplays (I'm hoping to make that list as well) called appropriately, Hollywood’s Black List.  Many outstanding, cool films are recognized and awarded from this list.  Of course, the dark side is the word in the description: “unproduced.”


The blacklist begins (1947)

As you probably already know, in October 1947, a number of persons working in the Hollywood film industry were summoned to appear before the House Committee on Un-American Activities, which had declared its intention to investigate whether Communist agents and sympathizers had been surreptitiously planting propaganda in US films.  The hearings began with several Hollywood professionals, including Walt Disney and Ronald Reagan, president of the Screen Actors Guild, testifying that the threat of Communists in the film industry was a serious one. (Personally, I think Ronnie, Walt and the others should have been more concerned about homosexual activity in Hollywood not Communism)
The blacklist, of course, was rarely verifiable.



Whenever there was a knock at her door, Dorothy Parker would yell, “What the fresh hell can this be?”   Since she is one of my all-time 'crushes' and I so adore lingering in her numerous, interviews, poems, shorts and quotes, I had to investigate if she in fact was blacklisted back in the day.  Well, not surprising,    hers was in fact verifiable…



Blacklisted in Hollywood
Parker helped organize the Screenwriters Guild, joined the Communist Party, and took up with equally aroused lefties like Lillian Hellman. She even had an FBI file more than 900 pages long. (Right on, Dorothy!)  She was blacklisted in Hollywood during the McCarthyite ’50s.

In the 1920s, she became a regular member of the Round Table at the Algonquin Hotel; the watering hole of New York writers who relished in three-hour lunches and liked to dazzle each other with their wit.



But the thing that satisfies me the most about Parker, besides her writing, was her leftward drift. In 1927, she became outraged at the imminent execution of Sacco and Vanzetti, the Boston anarchists. Amongst the 20,000 who protested their innocence were Edna St. Vincent Millay, Albert Einstein, George Bernard Shaw and H.G. Wells.  Parker was arrested and fined for her critical maneuvers preceding the execution.
Would you believe that Dorothy Parker willed her modest $20,000 fortune to Martin Luther King, Jr., though she had never met him, and dedicated her literary rights to the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People? Indeed, when she died, family-less, on June 7, 1967, Lillian Hellman saw to it that Parker was cremated with dignity.
But then Lillian forgot to collect Parker’s ashes. (What the hell?) After an erratic series of removals from one business desk to another in New York City, her remains were safely ensconced at the Baltimore headquarters of the NAACP in 1988, 21 years after her death. 
Her entertaining literary remains, however, can be found in The Portable Dorothy Parker.



Dorothy's poems are mainly reflections of her own disappointments and frustrations. She had a sad childhood, losing both parents at an early age. This shadow followed her throughout her life. Her lovers and spouses only seemed to add to her distress. Parker attempted suicide 3 times, eventually took to alcohol, and died alone in a New York hotel, aged 73. The New York Times printed one of its longest ever obituaries as a tribute.
According to an interview with Vanity Fair in 1925, Ms Parker wanted her epitaph to say, EXCUSE THE DUST.


From a Book Review
"It may be that this autobiography is set down in sincerity, frankness and simple effort. It may be, too, that the Statue of Liberty is situated in Lake Ontario.”

I have a plethora of “Dorothy Quotes” that I like to use in the same way I like to blog, babble or drink...with abandon.  Here’s a child-size handful…


"Ducking for apples -- change one letter and it's the story of my life."

“This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.” 

“The cure for boredom is curiosity.
There is no cure for curiosity.” 

“I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.” 

“Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.” 

“Tell him I was too fucking busy-- or vice versa.”
 

 “I hate writing, I love having written.” 

“I like to have a martini, two at the very most. After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host.”



And of course, “What the fresh hell can this be?” which you’ll hear me yelling from inside my abode if you ever pay me a visit.
I’m thinking of taking a Thelma/Louise type road trip today, 
         except I’ll skip the cliff.  


Enjoy the scenery today!
~tpg