Friday, April 12, 2013

"I'm Back" אני שוב

An ardent reader warned me; double trouble is hanging in wait.  Soon you'll have two again.
I must admit it's been a smidgen easier with just Sweet Pea these last few weeks. I'm either getting very old or 2 kids under the age of two is more exhausting than the Boston Marathon,
or both.  But readership, The Cousin did return.
She returned from The Dead Sea with rock salts, shells and a whole lot of bi-lingual gibberish; speaking English mixed with Hebrew and waving her hands around like a yenta.  Sweet Pea and I were perplexed to say the least.  We squinted and pretended to look interested, but really, we didn't know what the hell she was talking about.
She's back and she's clingy.  Very clingy and there's a part of me that digs it. I can't lie to you. I mean it feels fantastic to have her smile so big when I walk into her house. Then she reaches for me and says my name with such clarity and warmth.  And of course she wants me to carry her EVERYWHERE rather than walk.  Melts my heart into a puddle. And did I mention that I think she's gained a couple of pounds in her 3-week tour of the Holy Land?   I'm sure it was all the falafel and hummus she ingested. I guess she had some sort of melt down at JFK on the way there.   She evidently threw Kitty to the ground and then she threw herself down on top of her. Like "tantrum sisters" in solidarity, the two of them pitched a huge screaming fit.
It all happened as they were preparing to board. Right smack in the middle of the boarding line.
If I had been a passenger on that flight, I would've shot a glare at her parents that would have required sunglasses. Then, I'd pray to the Aviation God that she wasn't sitting near me.

The Cousin is almost two. Need I say more?
Her world envelops only a few "select" people: Mom, Kitty and Herself, and not necessarily in that order.  Me, Myself and I are where she's at...and there ain't no changing that.  The parentals are working hard to prepare her for what's to come. And what's to come is a doosie.
When the mom let me know, I wanted to pour myself a Vodka Gimlet at 9:00 a.m.
"I'm pregnant" she casually mentioned to me in between the Curious George theme song and instructions for the lunch time meal.  I about shit.  And after much coaxing and prepping, mommy asked The Cousin, "What's in my tummy, sweetie?" The Cousin replied, "Food."
Clearly exhibiting her denial.
Well, I'm in denial too. Big time. Obviously my threat to walk if there were ever 3, wasn't an effective birth control tool.
And then there's Sweet Pea.  She and I bonded in the last 3 weeks and we were used to our own special rodeo.  When her mommy dropped her off yesterday, the first words out her mouth were, "Well, she's been up all night sneezing and coughing. I think she's getting sick."  
Now isn't that f@*!ing fantastic?   Great.  I could see it.  Her eyes had dark little circles under them and her nose had that all familiar glossy fluid that runs freely down and becomes an integrated part of the mid-day snack.

She didn't let it get her down though. She held on for a good 8 hours, but in that final hour, the 9th hour when I'm barely coherent, she finally had had enough.

Wednesday was this amazingly warm day in Pacific Grove.  One of those rare days that comes along about once every 275 days.  It was fog-free, wind-free, cold-free; totally sunny-ass warm!  And the girls and I decided to do some gardening.
Sweet Pea digs dirt. Hell yes!  She just goes for it; hands, feet and mouth!  She's a girl after my own heart; not afraid to get dirty.  The Cousin on the other hand, has trouble participating in anything messy. If there's a piece of lent on her finger, forget about it.  She has to have it wiped off before she can enjoy herself. I know adults like this. They can't relax, dive into a project if their house needs dusting or a load of laundry is in the hamper.  The Cousin needs to feel organized and clean at all times.  You can only imagine how much prompting was needed to get her to shovel soil.
"Got dirt?"

"Let's see if I can dig the hole without touching the soil."
"Do we have any hand sanitizer?"
The Cousin is all about hygeine.  We enjoy brushing our teeth together and we always sing
"The Toothbrush Song"... When you wake up in the morning, it's a quarter to one and you want 
to have a little fun, you brush your teeth CHHHH...CHHH...CHH..."  
Here she is flossing.

She's not only serious about hygiene, but she is serious about being tech savvy.
I'm not shittin' you.
I purchased my first Iphone last week. Shut up. I know it's 2013.  My partner and I were in the damn store for an hour and 45 minutes because I was experiencing technical difficulties. The sales"boy" who was all of 22, was extremely patient with me. I'm certain his thoughts we anything but patient, however, he didn't let it show.  When we left with our new phones, her an Iphone 5 and me a 4S (whatever the hell that is) she was so excited she could hardly keep her feet on the pavement. And me?
I had a stomach ache.
Anyway, texting is a total wash for me right now. Locating messages, voicemails, attaching photos all feel complex as well.  But The Cousin assisted me with some apps and even the camera.  Speaking of the camera, here's two shots I took when I didn't intend to take any.




I also attempted a video and somehow turned the camera on myself instead of the girls.  So, for about 13 seconds, I was videoing myself, close-up. The Cousin was as patient as the young man at the store and that was most appreciated, but in all honesty, I haven't fallen in love with the "all-supierior-all-knowing-ever-popular Iphone".  Not yet anyway.
The world's changing readers, and I get that.  The thing is, I'm changing too. And part of my evolution is slowing down, smelling the roses, sipping the grape, reading the poetry, enjoying the music that's being played at grocery stores because I know all the words.  And yes, I did actually really like my 4 LG Slider phone! It felt comfortable and familiar like a typewriter and I loved those too!

I also like a good old-fashion picnic.



And a good old-fashion "tp-ing" a house.

Not to mention, a good old-fashion sit down at the table together for a meal.


And sometimes, just a good old-fashion nose picking.


Or an insistence of riding the bike our own way.


Whether you're old-fashion or a modern hipster, I think y'all agree that we just gotta
laugh about it.
So, I'll leave y'all with this 'lil ditty of a video. This is what's it's all about...
Truly I think so.
~tpg
video


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