Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Live at Five

Breaking news today from Action News Live at Five:
Monterey County has received about a ½ inch of rain in the last couple of hours.

Yep, top story of the day. News you can count on.
What’s more disturbing and gives my ears a little perky perk, are stories that came after the phenomenal weather story: the 2 local high school teachers that have been arrested this last week (separate cases) for child porn, videoing teens in the shower, and a drug and alcohol counselor accused of secretly filming students having sexual encounters with one another in his office; 
using a minor to do or assist in prohibited acts, possession of child pornography, contact with a minor for sexual offense and lewd acts upon a child.  Oh my!
And oh yea, the drive-by shooting at a downtown park at 3:30 pm; in the damn afternoon!  
But hey, Live at Five opens with their own breaking news:
A half-inch of rain fell in Monterey County.   Which, I suppose, is worth highlighting; especially significant, if you’re a calla lily.

But there’s bigger, huger news today: Mr. “No Premarital Sex” Santorum pulled out of the race. Yep. Now that’s worth talking about. But just so you don’t forget him and forget all that he stands for, here’s a few Live at Five quotes straight from the “not-so-straight” horse’s mouth:  

“There are no Palestinians. All the people who live in the West Bank are Israelis. There are no Palestinians. This is Israeli land.” ~Rick Santorum, falsely claiming that there are no Palestinians living on the West Bank.

“I believe the earth gets warmer and I also believe the earth gets cooler. And I think history points out that it does that and that the idea that man, through the production of CO2 — which is a trace gas in the atmosphere, and the man-made part of that trace gas is itself a trace gas — is somehow responsible for climate change is, I think, just patently absurd when you consider all the other factors.” 
~Rick Santorum, claiming that man-made CO2 is not responsible for climate change despite the fact that CO2 levels have doubled since the start of the Industrial Revolution.

“You can say I’m a hater. But I would argue I’m a lover. I’m a lover of traditional families and of the right of children to have a mother and father. I would argue that the future of America hangs in the balance, because the future of the family hangs in the balance. Isn’t that the ultimate homeland security, standing up and defending marriage?”
 ~Rick Santorum, comparing his fight against homosexuality to the war against terror.

And finally, one of my personal favorites:

“One of the things I will talk about, that no president has talked about before, is I think the dangers of contraception in this country. It’s not okay. It’s a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be. [Sex] is supposed to be within marriage. It’s supposed to be for purposes that are yes, conjugal…but also procreative. That’s the perfect way that a sexual union should happen…This is special and it needs to be seen as special.” ~Rick Santorum, opposing contraception and frighteningly suggesting that he would make pre-marital sex illegal. 

It is special, Rick.  And you’re “special” too.  More special than Sarah and I thought Sarah was “special.”
But since he’s out, let’s get some 411 on Romney, whom I’m predicting (duh) will be the GOP nominee this fall.  (I’m also predicting that he’ll take one of these SOB conservative nutcases to be his running mate; possibly a woman? YOWZA!)  Anyway, don’t be so sure Barack will just waltz right in without a problemo.  Hey, I thought California would say No to Prop 8 and look what happened!  I thought Al Gore had won but look what happened!  Be careful.  Be afraid.  
Be very afraid…but laugh.

So Mitt “Corporations are people” Romney, who the hell are you?
Mitt’s the guy who signed a budget that cut K-12 spending by $181.6 million (4 percent) and higher education spending by $100 million (10 percent).
Poor folk:
As governor, Mitt Romney vetoed a minimum wage increase to $8 an hour.
Peace Activists:
Mitt wanted "bombardment" of Iran.
Mitt Romney set up shell companies in the Cayman Islands and Bermuda to avoid U.S. taxes.
Romney said the Clean Air Act doesn't apply to carbon emissions.
Women & Men with Brains:
Mitt Romney wants to see Roe v. Wade overturned.
Seekers of Truth:
Mitt falsely claimed he saw his father march with MLK Jr.
LGBTQ Folk and their Friends:
Mitt Romney has signed the National Organization for Marriage anti-gay campaign pledge, calling for a federal amendment outlawing same-sex marriage.
I didn’t make this shit up. Here’s a link to more Romney facts; complete with dates and sources.

And for those of you who just can’t seem to get enough of Rick, here’s a link to more of his, as the article states, frothy mixture of hate, bigotry and insanity.

Remember kids, we gotta laugh about it; laugh until it all makes perfect sense, right?
And speaking of special, I remember when the ambulance showed up at the park a few years back to take Julie to the psych ward…  I remember my “special” neighbor phoning every Tom, Dick and Harriet to let them know that “the manager had a nervous breakdown and the ambulance was at her unit, taking her away.”  I love "special" rumors and I love dumbass, nosey neighbors.  Reminds me of the time space 29 peered through her superabundance of boxes of Captain Crunch cereal, which lined her window sill, and spied on this young Latino man I had hired to help me pull weeds and clear a hillside.  She couldn’t wait to get on the phone and start the ringy dingy, “special” rumor that  “the manager has a man living with her” Apparently, she saw him “helping me” and us “laughing together.” I also made him a turkey and cheese sandwich, but that didn’t mean he proposed to me for Christ-sake.

I miss the park though.  I really do.  I think what I miss most about it are the characters that reside there, because they are all weird bundles of interesting dichotomies.  Where else can one meet folks who fly Confederate flags, pack guns, drink Keystone and go to Bible Study twice a week; poorer than shit, but they spend fifty bucks on Girl Scout cookies each year?  Where they talk shit about their neighbors and then drink with ‘em on Friday nights.  Where else do you see kids running butt-naked down the middle of the street and their moms’ “live-in” boyfriends chasing after them in practically the same attire?
At a trailer park, there’s always news live at five...and two, and ten, and midnight.  
And that you can count on.
This is tpg, reporting to you live from my comfy floor chair, with Diego; the dashing, black feline, curled up on my lap and sawing some big-time logs…
Just keeping it real.


  1. Thanks Val, glad to know you're feeling like a turnip all rooted in with Diego...Here's a little something to help the laughing aspect today!

  2. Trying to laugh until it all makes sense, but I'm not sure it ever will. Loved the whole newsy blog, tpg, your keeping it real (and frightfully honest), and with a pinch of humor so we readers don't freak out! Wow! Election time is going to be really interesting come November...and hugely important!

  3. i always love the spin you give the issues that matter! and thank you for reason to laugh and trying to make sense- or at least stay sane!

    1. Thank you "Nina-of-Divine-Beauty!" ~tpg