Friday, December 28, 2012

Arnie & Gertie's Annual Xmas Letter

I didn't watch Sweet Pea and The Cousin this week. Actually miss the little buggers.
I did, however, find some exceptional "bribes" I mean gifts from the moms on my front door step Christmas night.

Seriously, folks, I was stoked! And then as if that wasn't enough to keep me from quitting, this little trivet from Sweet Pea herself.
Doesn't she have big footsies? Now that butterfly has wings!
Love those girls, but love the parental units even more.

You know what?  Xmas isn't my gig. I'll just say it.  And when the world didn't end on the 21st,
I knew I'd have to go through with it.  As I've written many times over the years; I'm not into the whole holiday celebration;
Pre-pre-day-before-Black Friday-start at 3:00 am-sales, or giving to the poor once a year only and mostly, of course, the whole virgin birth thing. That's really a hard pill for me to swallow.
But I do enjoy friends, food and booze.
And I do look forward to Gertie & Arnie's Annual Xmas Letter.

Gertie and Arnie are distant acquatinaces of my mom-in-law.
Actually, she worked with Gertie years and years ago, ever so briefly, and has never even met Arnie
or any of their family.
Gertie is older and I do understand and respect my elders. Really I do, but why in the hell would you send out a depressing, detailed account of every damn thing that went wrong during the year to those you call "friends"?
The front page always has several xeroxed photos.

                           Men enjoying the weather?!!? Shut the front door!  Come on, Gertie!

It's better to type the letter exactly how it's written rather than summarize...

Dear family and friends,

2012 has been a challenge.  Last Christmas I fell off the kitchen bar stool and landed on the tile floor which broke my hip, shoulder and arm.  I got a trip to the hospital by ambulance where I spent 10 days.  Then they moved me to the rehab center for the next weeks for physical therapy.  And home health care for the next three weeks.  It seemed like it was never going to end. I am still using a walker due to balance problems.  Leon told me it was a tough way to avoid putting up the Christmas tree.

April 1 was my sister-in-law's 92nd birthday so we went to visit.
Arnie fell off her kitchen stool and broke his wrist, had to be taken to the hospital by ambulance.  They told us it was congestive heart failure.  Arnie said it was so he could get some attention.

One morning, we woke up to find water on the kitchen floor.  
The dishwasher decided to quit, so I called Leon and he came and replaced our diswasher.  One morning, we got up and water was running down the street. A pipe was broken in the main box and had to be replaced. Leon and a friend replaced the pipe. I nearly had a coronary when we got the water bill.

Leon's son had issues with the bank and Leon had to pay his NSF charges which set him back quite a bit.

We went to my sister's 90th birthday in September. There was over 80 people at the party and quite a celebration. I didn't take my walker so I had to stay in one spot. 

This technology is pretty cool instead of writing, I am just talking into the little microphone and it's typing everything that I am saying.
Two weeks after returning from our trip, Arnold fell in the garage and broke both wrists. He was in the hospital for several days, then he was moved to the rehab center. He didn't get good care, so we brought him home.
Now that Arnold has his casts off, being able to drive again makes it easier.
It's been a challenging year.
We are celebrating being married 66 years!
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Love, Gertie and Arnie

Oh and last year, you might recall, Arnie tripped over the garden hose and fell in the backyard while chasing a squirrel. He was in a leg cast for a couple of months.

2012 is soon to be a memory for all of us, including Gertie and Arnie. 
I welcome the newness and potential of 2013. 
And I wish y'all the best.


  1. This is hilarious!!! Thank for the good laugh, Val!!

  2. Just read this. What a hoot! Hope Gertie and Arnie have a better 2013! And we all do, too.

  3. OMG Val, how do I get on the Christmas letter mailing list for this couple? Seems like they have broken just about every bone in their bodies by doing such mundane things as chasing squirrels (probably away from the bird feeder that they enjoy watching from those dangerous bar stools)! Word to the wise: At a certain age, it might be a good idea to give up the bar stool and just knock back the booze while reclining on something soft, like the couch. Yeah, I know she probably wasn't drinking when she fell, and I hope she recovers fully, but still...This is definitely stand-up comic material, and I really needed a laugh this morning. Long live those "distant acquaintances" and their letters! Long live your blog, which touches my heart, soul, and funny bone! Love, Amy