Friday, November 26, 2010

Allergic Reaction

So my dog is allergic to Prunedale. We have that in common. She endured, as did we, a 6 hour (usually 4.5) drive to my aunt's the day before Thanksgiving. Away from the trailer park she wakes up wide-eyed, itch-free and no paw-chewing. After weeks of sleepless nights wracking my brain with article after article on dog allergies, phone calls and emails to vets, blowing out my Google search, there is only one simple thing for me and my dog: TO GET THE HELL OUT OF THE PARK! We just need about 5-6 hundred thousand to buy a home in an allergic-free environment. Is that really too much to ask?
We survived Thanksgiving without slaughtering a turkey. (We chose a grass-fed cow instead.)
Today's headlines read: A NEW THANKSGIVING TRADITION. Beneath there is a picture of Leonard Coleman, bargain-shopper, having the salesman at Best Buy measure a 60 inch flat screen during the "Thanksgiving Evening Bonus-Buy Hour." America's 'traditions' leave a lot to be desired. Why wait until "Black Friday" to be the best consumer you can be? Why not ravage the stores on the actual holiday like you ravage a humongous turkey drumstick? Why wait until "Black Friday?" Go at half-time of one of the 3 televised NFL games; yet another wonderful Thanksgiving American Tradition.
The name "Black Friday" originated in Philadelphia, where it was used to describe the heavy and disruptive pedestrian and vehicle traffic which would occur on the day after Thanksgiving. Use of the term began by 1966 and began to see broader use outside Philadelphia around 1975. Later an alternative explanation began to be offered: that "Black Friday" indicates the period during which retailers are turning a profit, or "in the black."
Well, at least the word "black" is used in a positive context, sort of. Let's see, there's black cats, black crows, black humor, and of course "the neighborhood is changing 'cuz those people are movin in" kind of black...
Gone are the traditions of sitting with the elders (as Greg Mortenson tragically pointed out) or taking long walks in multi-colored leaves, or baking yummy delicacies form scratch... Shit, that's what Costco is for. They have one hellofa bakery!
Sitting here in my aunt's cozy, clean, 2000 sqaure foot home I quickly arrive at one single conclusion: I, like my dog, am allergic to Prunedale! I'm allergic to the Valero gas station where the boys with "GET 'ER DONE" bumper stickers meet every morning for coffee and a smoke. I'm allergic to the town library that has only 1 (never available) copy of Under the Banner of Heaven and zero copies of anything written by Anais Nin. I'm allergic to the jacked-up hydraulic pick-ups that the 16 year old wanna-be cowboys rev and race in front of the liquor store. I'm allergic to Nosey Rosey who lives next door and her mutt Sugar who takes a dump by my flamingo.
And I'm allergic to Black Friday. ACHOOOO!


  1. First blog I've read. Funny stuff TPG!

  2. Thanks for reading Tracy!!! Appreciate that!